Wow, it's been far too long since I last wrote, and my hope is that I'll allow myself more time to sit and write and vent and heal all at the same time...because I know in 15 years when I look back at all of this I will marvel at my thoughts and the things I went through..and how far I've come, and most likely I'll re-learn from what I'm dealing with IN THIS MOMENT of life right now...isn't it amazing, life and the way it changes us...especially when we least expect it..MORE especially when it takes a hard left when you planned to keep moving forward.
I've resounded recently through all of this that I never want to find myself in a place where I've grown too complacent-too comfortable-too at ease, because I think (at least for myself) all of these things stunt my own growth, curb my own potential as a person. Stepping out in faith, taking great risks, challenging myself, purposefully making myself uncomfortable, in THESE MOMENTS, in this place, this is where I've seen myself grow as a person the most..learn the most lessons. MEDIOCRITY does not settle well with me..never has never will. To date I've lived a rather unconventional life (by most peoples standards). Katie and I resounded to do things that were right for us..that moved us...didn't necessarily have to be right by the standards society placed on us..but we were blessed in abundance and we loved in abundance and it was risky and it was scary but it worked...and it was beautiful...my soul hurts and longs for her...and this longing this hurt and sorrow has also brought with it an unbelievable quench for something more from life. I find myself in a very unique place in life right now; people say when you experience the loss of a loved one you shouldn't react or make any rash decisions for at least one year...to this I say WHAT A BUNCH OF BUNK...never in my life have I found myself more open or with these thoughts, feelings, inspirations..and so I say WHY NOT? Why surpress these fresh ideas when I'm MOST willing to act on them, to live in ways I've never imagined, always dreamed...maybe I'm far off..and I welcome your thoughts but I tell you again MEDIOCRITY is NOT FOR ME..I will not settle.
So I'm taking a step in blind faith, a risk, choosing life...living it...and refusing to allow what has happened to me to define or moreover defeat me. ARE YOU READY FOR IT!? Katie and I always dreamed of traveling the country together, it was something we often spoke of it was something we had hoped her music would propel us to do..so effective December 20th, the boys and I will be both jobless and homeless. I'll soon be purchasing a Honda Odyssey (used of course), Katie's dream car...no really...I work for BMW we've been driving new BMWs for 7 years and all Katie ever wanted was a Honda Odyssey. So the boys and I are headed out to discover this great U.S. visiting friends and family and every sight we've ever wanted to see. Along the way, being moved and inspired by our pursuits. Aiden wants to see sharks swimming in the ocean, and whales jumping out of the water, and crocodiles, and so I will do my best to make all of those things and so much more a reality for him and for Koen and for me. Being together, learning together, growing together. We're first headed to Florida, on purpose, because winter is just too dreary, too cold, too long, so we're skipping it all together.
Drinking in life is what 2009 is all about, living in a more real, transparent, and vulnerable way. Won't you join me, in your own way in taking even one small risk in your own life? Life is too short...too damn short to be wrapped up in the crap that wraps us up on a daily basis...I've gained quite a perspective from this entire experience (might just be the one and only thing I'm thankful for) and I look forward to sharing that and all the ways we've been challenged by life in the future. So for now...if you have any suggestions on places to go, or people to meet, or heck if you have a place to stay, let me know..as my planning is well underway and I'm excited about our Great Adventure.