Monday, October 27, 2008

Growing, Growing....GONE.


Wow, it's been far too long since I last wrote, and my hope is that I'll allow myself more time to sit and write and vent and heal all at the same time...because I know in 15 years when I look back at all of this I will marvel at my thoughts and the things I went through..and how far I've come, and most likely I'll re-learn from what I'm dealing with IN THIS MOMENT of life right now...isn't it amazing, life and the way it changes us...especially when we least expect it..MORE especially when it takes a hard left when you planned to keep moving forward.
I've resounded recently through all of this that I never want to find myself in a place where I've grown too complacent-too comfortable-too at ease, because I think (at least for myself) all of these things stunt my own growth, curb my own potential as a person.  Stepping out in faith, taking great risks, challenging myself, purposefully making myself uncomfortable, in THESE MOMENTS, in this place, this is where I've seen myself grow as a person the most..learn the most lessons.  MEDIOCRITY does not settle well with me..never has never will.  To date I've lived a rather unconventional life (by most peoples standards).  Katie and I resounded to do things that were right for us..that moved us...didn't necessarily have to be right by the standards society placed on us..but we were blessed in abundance and we loved in abundance and it was risky and it was scary but it worked...and it was beautiful...my soul hurts and longs for her...and this longing this hurt and sorrow has also brought with it an unbelievable quench for something more from life.  I find myself in a very unique place in life right now; people say when you experience the loss of a loved one you shouldn't react or make any rash decisions for at least one year...to this I say WHAT A BUNCH OF BUNK...never in my life have I found myself more open or with these thoughts, feelings, inspirations..and so I say WHY NOT?  Why surpress these fresh ideas when I'm MOST willing to act on them, to live in ways I've never imagined, always dreamed...maybe I'm far off..and I welcome your thoughts but I tell you again MEDIOCRITY is NOT FOR ME..I will not settle.

So I'm taking a step in blind faith, a risk, choosing life...living it...and refusing to allow what has happened to me to define or moreover defeat me.  ARE YOU READY FOR IT!?  Katie and I always dreamed of traveling the country together, it was something we often spoke of it was something we had hoped her music would propel us to do..so effective December 20th, the boys and I will be both jobless and homeless.  I'll soon be purchasing a Honda Odyssey (used of course), Katie's dream car...no really...I work for BMW we've been driving new BMWs for 7 years and all Katie ever wanted was a Honda Odyssey.  So the boys and I are headed out to discover this great U.S. visiting friends and family and every sight we've ever wanted to see.  Along the way, being moved and inspired by our pursuits.  Aiden wants to see sharks swimming in the ocean, and whales jumping out of the water, and crocodiles, and so I will do my best to make all of those things and so much more a reality for him and for Koen and for me.  Being together, learning together, growing together.  We're first headed to Florida, on purpose, because winter is just too dreary, too cold, too long, so we're skipping it all together.

Drinking in life is what 2009 is all about, living in a more real, transparent, and vulnerable way.  Won't you join me, in your own way in taking even one small risk in your own life?  Life is too short...too damn short to be wrapped up in the crap that wraps us up on a daily basis...I've gained quite a perspective from this entire experience (might just be the one and only thing I'm thankful for) and I look forward to sharing that and all the ways we've been challenged by life in the future.  So for now...if you have any suggestions on places to go, or people to meet, or heck if you have a place to stay, let me know..as my planning is well underway and I'm excited about our Great Adventure. 


20 comments:

Andy said...

Hey Karen, I can't tell you how excited I am for you and your coming trip! Getting to see a glimpse into not only your thoughts, but your healing is nothing short of inspiring. You and Katie were always that-Inspiring! You guys are loved so much! Please keep us updated as you prepare and set out on your big journey! Let your family and friends know what they can do to help!!!!
3!!
Dew.

igeneral.tso said...

I wish you and your family the best. I've followed your story for about 2 years now. I was amazed at Katie's strength to continue fighting until the very end. She inspired me to rethink my priorities. Work and money seem less important.

I am also trying to stop planning and start doing. And you going on this trip is exactly that - stop worrying about a 401k, a mortgage payment, a new car, a savings acct etc. There's never going to be a "right" time to enjoy life. Live for the moment and I hope this trip brings some peace and happiness to your family.

I'd like to thank you for sharing your story. Katie was very open with her last moments and you are continuing to share.

snigbo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
snigbo said...

Kudos to you and all the best. Your courage is inspiring. If you find yourself in the Portland, OR area our door is open for you and your family. Plenty of room and 2 lovable Labrador retrievers to befriend your boys! I moved from Madison, WI to Portland a few years ago and I absolutely love it here. An hour to the mountains, an hour to the coast. Great music scene - that's it...make it during the summer months - enjoy the rose garden, the japanese or chinese gardens, go for a hike on Mt. Hood and see a concert at the zoo! Cheers and God Bless. Sara

Vesper said...

Karen, I don't believe we ever met. Maybe someday we will. As for places to go and see.....The Norfolk, VA Beach area is quite fun. And not too far away is Williamstown, a lot of history and fun stuff to do. As for further south, the boys must must must at some point go to Disney World. I didn't understand until I worked for 7 months. It is amazing, and I swear I am not brainwashed when I say IT IS MAGICAL!! And not far from there can you go see some crocs.
I wish nothing but the best for you and your family. I don't even know you but I love you....

achilles3 said...

Awesome.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Live!
Live!
Live!
and keep us posted...
;-)

Dewey said...

Karen~

WOW! Yet again, you move me with your words. You and the boys are loved EVERYWHERE in this beautiful world of ours. No matter where you are, whether a small town or a big city, there will be someone that knows your families story and will be ready and excited to meet you personally to give you a home cooked meal, fresh conversations and another step in healing. That is, based of course, if you want it! My door is always open for you here in c-bus!

My 8 yr old niece (living in a very rural PA town) is now completely involved in Katies music. She has asked me for her own iPod so she can enjoy her more. You know me, thats exactly what she is getting for Christmas and it will be fully loaded with every single KRB recording and then some ;-)

Katie is, and forever will be, singing to new ears and inspiring many.

All my love to you, L~

moondingo said...

hi karen!

if you ever make it to ozzie an' more particularly the north west tropical town of broome, you're welcome! more than welcome! ;)*

much love millicent xo

Unknown said...

You're supposed to tell me you had a blog! :)

Anyway, best wishes for the journey and we're here to help any way we can. I can also tell you where to find those crocodiles.

Janet said...

What a lovely idea -- continue to enjoy your journey with Katie.
-janet

Julie said...

I think this will be an amazing, eye-opening adventure. I was best friends with Beth growing up and of course knew Katie from childhood. I met you and the boys out in Central Park about two summers ago...
I live in Denver, CO and my girlfriend and I have a house with loads of room and a cabin in the mountains where you could go and just be.
If you are so inclined to come this way, you are more than welcome to stay. It would be an honor.
Until then, all the best and God bless....!
I can be reached at bulieperc@aol.com.
-julie

astreet said...

Hi Karen,

I wanted to open our home to you. We live in Ellensburg, WA. It's a small town about 90 mins east of Seattle. I have to kids the same ages as your guys. I am friends with Robbie and Dana incase you want to check my references ;). I used to live in Cincinnati. Anyway, we would love to have you here. Lots of mountain views ans clear rivers to show you. Peace to you.
-Amy Street (if you want to get back to me you can find me on facebook...one of Dana and Robbie's friends).

Anonymous said...

I think that's wonderful. Email us when you are close to Malibu, CA and I'll take you guys horse back riding.
katbrooks@mac.com or www.myspace.com/katherinebrooks

Anonymous said...

You and your boys have an amazing trip!!!! I dont know how long your travel is, but Wisconsin is most beautiful in the fall. Summer isnt so bad either. Wisconsin Dells is probably the only high light for the state as in fun things to do. Other wise we have many state parks. There are many Katie fans in the Milwaukee area, so im sure you would have plenty welcoming arms. :) Have a safe and fun trip!

Angie

Joanna said...

Hey Karen, sounds like a GREAT plan (especially before the boys are older and in school!). We are in Arizona if you need a place to stay (serious offer!) or ideas of places to visit in the wild, wild west. Sedona is absolutely beautiful and Tucson is fun too. You can even stay in a teepee (not a real one but cool none the less) in Holbrook, AZ. Check it out at: http://www.galerie-kokopelli.com/wigwam/. The teepees are near the petrified forest and some really cool dinosaur exhibits (which we all know EVERY boy LOVES!). Are you sorry yet that you asked for suggestions?!? Gotta give just one more.... I have stayed in a great treehouse (yes, treehouse!) in Oregon. The place is called Out and About Treesort and most of the treehouses have electricity and some even have toilets. You can check them out at: http://www.treehouses.com/. You can reach me at proffittjo@hotmail.com if you want more info./ideas or want to take us (I have a partner and 2 boys) up on an offer of a place to stay. Have a wonderful time! Joanna

Joy said...

Hi Karen,

I don't know if you remember me or not. I met you and Katie years ago while playing football for columbus flames/comets, and again in Cincinnati. I was once called Tracy Walker's little sister. We were also pregnant around the same time.
We have moved from Ohio to California, the Bay Area to be exact, and would love for you and the boys to come stay with us. We have a converted garage so you can come and go as pleased. We don't live far from Monterey Bay which is a good place to see whales jumping out of the water.

Good luck with the trip, have fun, and I love Honda Odessey, it's my dream car too.

Laura said...

Hi Karen,
I think I met you a couple of times at various Katie shows. I played with Katie on a few different stages and I also booked her in Indianapolis, I believe it was her first Indianapolis show at Butler University. I remember it well because you had just had your first ultrasound with Aiden and Katie was beaming as she showed off the pictures! My fiance and I are living in Southern Indiana, I know, not the most exciting place to visit. But if you and the boys every need a place to crash our door is always open to you.
Laura Connallon

Unknown said...

Hi Karen, I'm so thankful for your blog. Keep up the excellent writing! I think the trip sounds like an awesome idea! What a great adventure. I know you'll be in C-bus before long, so please stay with us in Gahanna. l would love to introduce my daughter and my husband to you & your boys. We have a school nearby with a great playground. We also have a yummy, authentic Mexican diner around the corner. I'm sure you're aware of the sights in central Ohio, but we'd love to join your fam in seeing some of them, if you'd like.
I used to live in Colorado & I'd highly recommend the Great Sand Dunes National Monument. Gorgeous!

We're praying for you.

With much love,
Cristine Stoner

Anonymous said...

Hey Karen! I just discovered your blog tonight! Gosh, if your ever in San Diego, please contact me. My best wishes & hugs to you and the boys. *Blake*

LiberryGrrl said...

If you make it to Minnesota and need a place to stay, my door is open. Mall of America, Boundary Waters Canoe Area, headwaters of the Mississippi, theater, music and the biggest Pride festival in the region are suggestions I would have for adventures if you came here.