Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wrapping up...



So wow, I'm leaving New Jersey in 4 days...4 DAYS?!?!?!?!  What the heck I feel like it was just yesterday that I was lying next to my sleeping 4 year old son looking at him thinking...I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING more....I have to live in a more meaningful way...and WHAMO this crazy idea to quit my job and get rid of most of my stuff to hit the road...ran me down like a mac truck...and here I am today..4 days away from our departure, sitting in a nearly empty apartment looking around in disbelief that we are finally at this point.

 It's been an odd thing...a hard thing coming to this moment..it's one of those things where being a single parent WEARS on me immensely and makes the whole thing THAT much more difficult.  I also have run into moments, sorting through all of my stuff that I have established in my beautiful life with Katie where I'm on my knees missing her...finding beautiful photos taken of her that I didn't know we had or letters she kept..and she kept EVERYTHING.  We wrote each other often, simple letters, things you forget about..and I've stumbled upon these things countless times, and many times it's nice to read...but at the same time it brings me to such a breaking point where I feel so angry because we were GREAT and I can't believe it is no longer.  I will say that nearly once a day I see a picture of her..and I am rocked with such a sense of disbelief..that she is no longer in the physical sense here among us...it is one of those things where I'm left shaking my head thinking WHAT THE HELL...I can't wrap my mind or heart around it.  

With all of it said...I'm so excited for our adventure and this feeling of dispair fuels me all the more to make the year of 2009 OUTSTANDING...I have no doubt not one single regret or doubt that I'm not doing the right thing..all of this feels absolutely, perfectly peacefully right. 

I must say, I will miss New Jersey.  I've been marinating in the emotions of what living in New Jersey was like.  New Jersey stretched me as a person in more ways than any color or song will ever be able to depict.  However in the same breathe I never knew I was capable of all I have taken on these past 2 years.  I have seen, done and experienced many things that would absolutely put a person in a mental hospital, and it is only by the grace of God that I am still semi-sane.  I don't regret ever having come to New Jersey.  I've met amazing people, I have been moved in amazing ways...I love most the passion that fills the people here, whether their intentions are right or not the most amazing thing to me is the way people PASSIONATELY pursue the things they are passionate about.  I have not encountered this type of fury before and it has been something that has ignited in me a desire to live a life in hot pursuit of influence, and inspiration.  Had we stayed in Ohio, with this same outcome for my life and for Katie's life, I don't know that I would've had the same courage to pursue this trip around the U.S. and so I am thankful to New Jersey and the people I have come to call friends here who have taught me much about truly living.  So while you chewed us up and spit us out..NJ you taught us much...we dust ourselves off and go confidently in the direction of our new dreams.  I hope with the upcoming year, ALL Of us are reminded that life is fleeting and it is not the things we did that we will regret, it is the things we did not do that will haunt us most..so lets ensure that list of things we did not do is SHORT...run hard in the direction of your hearts calling..and don't for one second look back.  The next time I write, our Great Adventure will have begun, I look forward to sharing the lessons learned in 2009 and no kidding I LOVE hearing and reading the comments about how you have learned and been moved in the same ways...I read them all, I love the emails...I am just in awe in how so many of you are willing to share yourselves with me.  I love it, I invite it, and I learn from it so don't ever hesitate.

7 comments:

Lauren said...

"I hope with the upcoming year, ALL Of us are reminded that life is fleeting and it is not the things we did that we will regret, it is the things we did not do that will haunt us most.."

That one is DEFINITELY going into my journal. What a great quote. Now im going to start quoting you. Great Blog Karen. I can't wait for the next!

Brian said...

God speed, Karen! May you and your sons enjoy a grand adventure. Reading your entry this evening, I admire your courage and am reminded of the prophet Isaiah's vision in his "Book of Comfort":

Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. - Isaiah 43:19

I believe you will find the path you seek -- and many friends, old and new, supporting you on your journey. Enjoy the road ahead, just as you occasionally look back, for they, your "great cloud of witnesses," will be there.

achilles3 said...

I'm gonna NOT not do anything all of 2009! A year of saying YES!!!
You're so wonderful Karen:-)

Keep on keepin on!

Anonymous said...

Karen,
My heart hurts to imagine the loss you carry, but it sings in celebration of the journey you're beginning. If your travels bring you back to Columbus, OH...you have a home with us. Katie's music has been a source of great enjoyment in our home and it would be our honor to share time with her loved ones. We wish you joy and peace as you travel - may the journey be safe and blessed.
Always,
Annette (and Darby) Schaaf

Anonymous said...

Karen,
You are amazing and I thank you for you. Katie touched my life in many ways and you are continuing on that legacy. I believe that an experience only gains power when shared. Never hold back because you are only a vessel from Creator and you just never know who, throughout this magnificent Universe, you are touching.
I do many Native American ceremonies, and although I did not know Katie well or you at all...we are always praying for you in our special way.
sending love and light to you on your journeys and thanks again for your influence on mine.
Kelli

K8 said...

I can think of no words of comfort that would have real meaning in these circumstances, but I still feel the need to reach out and let you know that you, Katie, and the boys are in my prayers.

By your collective inspiration, I have made the decision to quit killing time and make the most of each of the precious moments I have left. This is a real gift and I wanted to share my gratitude for the reminder.

In those quiet moments when sadness takes your breath away, know that you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU for your honestly. You have enormous guts. You've also put the risks I've taken in the last year in a new perspective. I can't thank you enough.

Rachel
homeyeconomic.blogspot.com