Thursday, November 13, 2008

This business of discrimination




RTV right :D well here goes....I typically am not one to "step up on a soap box" to discuss the hot topics of the world..or tough morality issues that will get a crowd all hot and bothered...I'm more of a let your life do the talking on the morality stuff, you know actions are WAY louder than words, but all this talk about proposition 8 in California has me thinking...mostly about how it is impossible for anyone to take away my profound love for another just because they say it shouldn't be allowed.

We elected a tremendous man as our President...even more historical was the fact that he was African American...on election night my son and I were having a conversation about Barack Obama.  Aiden wanted to know "does he look like me"?  As I started to tell him that well..kind of, but...Barack was older, and much taller, his eyes were darker, I had to pause and think should I call out to my 4 year old that Barack was "a different color"?  I realized in that moment I didn't want my young son to yet realize that we in America classify people or place them in a category or stereotype them simply because the color of their skin is different.  So I withheld this information.  I remember feeling such a tremendous amout of pride watching the new first family walk out onto stage that night, in fact I nearly cried at the sight.  I remember thinking WOW we've come so far and I LOVE that this family stands for THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, awesome!  Then came the rather surprising news that proposition 8 had passed in California...and I'm left scratching my head thinking we took huge strides in one direction only to take huge strides in the exact opposite direction still as a nation embracing discrimination and hate.  My moment of joy and wonder at my new diverse first family was cut far too short by this news.  

I'm going to say some things that I know will upset my gay friends..I've already said it to my close friends, and caused some dissent..but I SERIOUSLY believe this...while I don't agree with the passing of proposition 8 and while I will say that it is terribly hateful to deny a person a right they should be afforded as an American...I have to also say...YOU KNOW WHAT just because someone tells me they think the person I love is wrong and the act is immoral and disgusting and whatever else...all of these things said and rights withheld..IT DOESN'T MATTER to me..did I stop loving Katie because someone told me it was wrong...well for a time yes..but I got over it..pulled my head out of the WATER (I'm being kind) breathed in the greatest breath of life and pursued life and love and happiness spent with Katie.  

No matter what rights we were or were not afforded as a couple, we had a wedding, we vowed BEFORE GOD to be faithful to one another, to live a life pleasing to him, to be together until death parted us..WE STILL DID IT...and so it was..and so she was indeed my wife, with or without a piece of paper to declare it as such.  We had a home together and we welcomed people, lots of people, gay and straight, at our dinner table, and we laughed, and we cried, and we made memories.  Best yet, out of our love came 2 beautiful people, who know at the core of their being that 2 other people love them immeasurably.  And wow all those "disbelievers" say our boys should be very disturbed at their core...I would invite anyone who believes this to come and meet our children because they are astounding individuals at the ripe age of 2 and 4..they are profound and more importantly they are so stinking happy and quite frankly more adjusted and well behaved than many that come from a more "traditional" dwelling.  

So I don't know, I find it so interesting, what do all these people who vote this stuff down think? Because I'm here to say just because you say it isn't so...doesn't mean it deters me or stops me or hinders my relationship in anyway.  If anything it made us fight harder to make it work to go the duration...and we WENT the duration...ACTUALLY Katie and my relationship was probably put to the fire far more often and withstood the test in far more trying circumstances than that of our "married" counterparts who had the "paper" and the "rights"....emerging from the fire or the tests with a tighter union and connection or bond...growing our live in the midst..THESE are the great things which define a family or a marriage and mine was strong...stronger than most...we just didn't have the rights..but we didn't need them to make it any more real or legitimate.

ALL of these things are what I will pass along to our boys about diversity, real family values and acceptance.  Do you agree?  If not...come sit at my dinner table...I'd love to go back to my core and allow my life to speak for itself.



 

8 comments:

Janet said...

Of course - we need a clear separation of church and state.

Why is a civil rights issue (the right to marry/civil union) on a ballot?

It does not belong on a ballot - it's a right of *every* citizen of this country.

I will support freedom of religion despite the fact that I am not religious but I'd like my civil rights.

nice post-
janet

smerdmann said...

Hi Karen,
I met you on My Crazy Sexy Life and got to know you briefly while you were on the site. I'm not on there much anymore either, but it was nice to see that you started a blog to talk about the life you built with Katie.

I'm bisexual and it terrifies me that whether I can ever get married depends on which person I happen to fall in love with. Imagine a law that allows you rights only if you fall in love with the "right" person. Disturbing.

I just wanted to write to let you know that you have a beautiful family, and I'm glad you are able to recognize that, regardless of what the law tells you. I hope I have the strength to do the same.

Looking forward,
Sara

Jaylene said...

Great post Karen! The paper I have 'proving' Andy and my marriage makes us no better than any other relationship out there. I am a huge supporter of equal rights and a huge believer in love. Because at the end of the day, as long as you have love for someone, with someone, that piece of paper means nothing. How many couples have that paper and don't really experience true love.... sad really.

achilles3 said...

I just blogged about this very issue...albeit with more bad words.
GREAT POST KAREN!
I agree with you 100%
:-)

ida said...

Well stated...

Paper is just paper...it isn't what brings or keeps people together. It can't possibly define love or happiness. It is our hearts, our strength, and our love for our partners that defines our relationships. I am very happy with the love in my life....having or not having a piece of paper will never change that.

The Smiths said...

Karen, I first learned of your life with Katie on a chance passing in front of CET (PBS) here in Ohio, and I was heartbroken for both of you. I have two children too just about the age of your boys. Katie's life was a gift and it's a reminder for all of us never to take one day or moment for granted. Never ever forget- Katie lives inside of you and your boys- she will always be there no matter how alone you might feel. I truly believe that God doesn't see whether we are male or female- I believe He just sees whether or not we love and care for one another. This was the message- the only one that really matters in the end. Love from my family to yours, Kristin Smith, Morrow, Ohio

Unknown said...

Hi Karen,
The words your wrote gave me chills. You are truly an inspirational, strong person. I have met you a couple of times and had the privilege of seeing Katie perform several times as well. I am a friend of Ann and Bill's and live in Columbus. If you ever make your way back to the area you and your boys are certainly welcome at our dinner table anytime!
Karen K.

L-VII said...

I decided to read your blog from the bottom up, I figured it'd be better that way.

About marriage, gay or straight, I agree with you that ultimately it is about the two people who make that vow to each other (and to God of course) but the reason it I feel equality is important is because, God bears the heavenly witness but people also have to bear witness to the commitment one makes to one's partner, (this made sense when I thought about it, lol) that is why we wear rings to show that one is married.

I dunno, I think it all relates to this line that I was thinking of, 'what God had joined together, let no man put asunder' but I guess it is impossible to convince others that one's union is blessed when they are so vehemently opposed to it.

Thank for sharing your thoughts and I do wish you joy.

L.